At 8:30am on Saturday, October 2, 1982, I (Charles Phillip Gubatan) started my life at Toronto General Hospital. The 2nd child, being 10 years and 3 days younger than my brother Christien, meant that I was brought up both by my mom and aunt, and by my brother.

As with most people of Filipino heritage, I have Spanish roots and therefore have my mother's last name of "Pascual" meaning "Easter". Despite being of Filipino descent, I consider myself Canadian and have not learned or been exposed to any of the customs of the Philippines. Some people would label me with the term "White-washed", and well quite frankly that's what I am and I'm not complaining. =P


Me at 6 months

In January of 1986, my brother, mother, and myself temporarily moved to Chicago after my parents divorced. Later, we moved to beautiful Los Angeles where my brother had begun going to school.

Then, in March of 1986 we ended up in Vancouver, BC where my story mainly begins.

I began my schooling at the age of 5 at Emily Carr Elementary School. I completed Kindergarten there, but after moving downtown in the summer I had to transfer to Lord Roberts Annex in the West End of Vancouver. Not being a big fan of an inner-city school with thugs, I didn't have a good time at LRA and was the bad kid that rebelled against everyone including my teachers. Yes... It was possible to be a bad kid in grade 1.

Noticing my dislike of my new school, my mom transferred me back into Emily Carr Elementary in the middle of grade 1. It wasn't easy, but after many meetings with the principal and the school board, I was once again a happy camper.

All through my 8 years at Emily Carr, people always asked me if I loved art. I always looked at them with a straight face and said, "Yes! I want to be an artist when I'm older". The whole time internally laughing at their stupidity for confusing my elementary school with the Emily Carr Art Institute.

I graduated from Emily Carr in June of 1995 and went to the nearby high school of Eric Hamber Secondary. My 2 and a half years at Eric Hamber would, unknown to me at the time, be a life changing experience.

At Eric Hamber, I faced depression and homophobia, and became one those kids that every parent wished wasn't theirs. It all started on my very first day of school. Yes... My FIRST day of school. I vividly remember being in English class... Since it was the first class, we were all introducing ourselves. Just after I was finished my turn, I heard someone whisper quietly, "Fag". It was at this point that I realized being gay wasn't the easiest thing to live with in the world. But I'll get into that a little bit later on. All throughout my time at Eric Hamber (grades 8, 9, and half of 10) I was taunted, teased, and verbally abused for being the fag of my grade (even though I wasn't the only one). I wasn't even out at this time and the idea of me being gay was just a thought at the back of my mind.

At the same time, I was also facing the problem of not being able to make any friends at school since I was of the non-existent middle class. Eric Hamber is located in the most interesting neighbourhood of all the Vancouver Westside schools. It's located in an area where there are multi-million dollar houses on one side and cheap shacks on the other. Because of the nature of the neighbourhood, and since I was an out-of-boundary student, there weren't many other middle class students. I was therefore shunned by the rich kids for not being rich enough to hang out with them, and also shunned by the poorer kids because I was too rich for them. It's amazing how people care so much about petty things like how much money you have.

By the middle of grade 10 (I don't know how I made it that long), my self-esteem had dropped to an all time low. I stopped going to school and nicotine and other substances had become a part of my life. Again, my mom came to my rescue by noticing what was going on and decided that I should be transferred to King George Secondary School downtown. I couldn't talk to my mom about my problems at this time since I was still struggling with my sexual orientation.

King George Secondary, despite being located in the same district as my old school Lord Roberts Annex, was a much better school than Eric Hamber. Although some of the people at KG were the same people I went to school with at Lord Roberts, the students were very nice and made me feel welcome from my very first day. There, I excelled in my studies, getting A's from just about every course except for Math of course, and even got scholarships every year towards my future post-secondary education. It was also where I met my friends Crystal and Liam.

* * *

On the topic of King George, this would be a good time to talk about my sexuality. I have always known since I was a small child that I was different. I remember watching McGuyver on TV and thinking that one of the guys on there was ok. Obviously, at such a young age, 3 or 4, I had no concept of attraction and nothing at all about being gay. It wasn't until I was in grade 5 that I finally learned what being gay meant and began to question myself as to if I was one of them. I continued to date girls until I transferred out of Eric Hamber Secondary. Since my new school, King George, was located in the predominantly gay area of the West End, it helped me to accept my sexuality and eventually come out to my friends and family. I told the first person about myself back in 1999 and then finally my mom in June 2000. Despite being out to my family and friends, I still keep it on a need-to-know basis and don't tell everyone I meet. (I am under the assumption that the majority of the people going to my site are people I know well enough.) I am also still not out to much of my extended family, and don't really intend on letting them know about me.

* * *

I graduated from King George Secondary in June of 2000, the last graduating class of the 20th century.

I applied at many universities in Greater Vancouver, but I didn't get into any of the ones that I really wanted to. Instead, I got into Kwantlen University College where I took general arts and IT classes.

Unsatisfied with my education which wasn't really getting me anywhere, I went to BCIT at the same time as Kwantlen UC and took desktop publishing and programming courses.

Prior to finishing my 2 years at Kwantlen UC and BCIT, I was fed up of not really making it anywhere and commuting for more than 1.5 hours each way. Because of these reasons, I decided that it was time to start applying at schools once again. I applied at SFU, UBC, and Ryerson. The only school that accepted me was Ryerson for the ITM program.

It was fantastic to finally move out from home and be completely on my own in a completely new city. Getting groceries for myself, household chores, partying whenever I wanted, and having people over at all hours of the day. What more could anyone ask for? This went well for the first year and a half until I got sick of being independent and yearned for someone to share my life with. Don't get me wrong, having friends is great, but it just isn't the same when you have no one in your life to call your own. It was also at this time that the cold city of Toronto began to wear me down. I was no longer blinded by the bright lights of the city, and began to see Toronto for what it was. A dirty city with a failing infrastructure, without more things than Vancouver but rather more of the same thing over and over again. I knew that once school was over that it would be my time to leave.

I'm glad to have finally completed my undergraduate degree, in June 2006, and with a heavy heart departed Toronto to return to my hometown of Vancouver. Moving back wasn't easy, it was even harder than leaving Vancouver, but Toronto just wasn't the city for me. I met many great people that I hope to call my friends for the rest of my life. But I know that it is in my destiny to move around the world many times in the future before settling down.

It is now July 2008, and as time flies towards my 26th birthday, I now know that my true place is in Toronto. My prior issues with the city were not caused by the city itself, but instead by the mounting drama that I found myself falling into. Now with my return, I feel like I have learned a lot by spending a year away to reflect on my life. I now know what I want, how to get it, and how to avoid the things in my life that bring me down.

I am anxious to see where life's twists and turns will take me in this world and hope for nothing but the best in the future... like maybe settling down with the one I love, buying a place, and raising a family.